If you are pregnant and thinking about adoption for your baby, you probably have a certain picture of how it works. That picture may be very different from what adoption actually looks like today, and far more hopeful.
When compared to adoption of a couple of decades ago, the present-day process is much more advanced. Today, some birth parents have a level of control over their decisions in an adoption process which many people would find surprising. Understanding the process might change your views on adoption entirely.
An adoption plan puts you in charge of the choices
A common stereotype that most people have about adoption is that once the child is handed over to the adoptive family, the birth parents disappear. The reality is that now the birth mother finds the family herself. You can meet different families and choose the one that feels right. If none of them feel right, you keep looking.
Moreover, you also decide whether this will be an open, semi-open, or closed adoption. The vast majority of birth mothers choose open adoption today. In this case, you can receive pictures and letters with updates about your child growing up. Some birth parents have regular in-person visits, while others prefer semi-open adoption, which uses a mediator to share updates while keeping identities private. Finally, there are closed adoptions where no identifying information is exchanged, still available if that is what you prefer.
Although you may have reservations about adoption, you will still be a part of the process and make decisions that are in your child’s best interest.
How adoption works
The adoption process typically begins with contacting a licensed adoption agency or an adoption attorney who will guide you through every step. The counselor will explain what is required and will also help you determine what type of family you want to adopt your child. They often answer questions you haven’t even thought to ask yet.
In most cases, the pregnancy and childbirth costs are assumed by the adoption agency, which also offers help with living expenses incurred during the pregnancy. In any case, there are no financial obligations on your part related to the adoption process. You will not be asked to pay anything at any point.
You can start the process at any moment of the pregnancy, whether you are a few weeks along or pretty advanced. If you want to change your mind before the consent is formally signed, you are free to do so. In North Carolina, consent to an adoption can only be given after the baby has been born. You should never feel pressured into making this choice.
What it does mean and does not mean
Choosing adoption does not mean you love your child any less. It is one of the hardest choices women make in their lives. It is not easy, as you are making your decision based on what will be best for your child, not out of indifference.
Furthermore, your decision does not mean that you are a failure. Taking the time to evaluate your situation and consider your options takes a lot of courage. Some women recognize that they will not be able to provide everything that their child needs at this point. This kind of honest self-assessment deserves respect, not shame.
How we can help you
At Mercy House, we can either give you adoption referrals to a licensed agency or offer pregnancy options counseling which will give you information about different possible paths, including parenting and abortion. The goal is to make sure your decision is based on facts, not fear or pressure from anyone else.
If you are still unsure if you are pregnant, we also offer free pregnancy testing and limited ultrasounds. All services at our center are free of charge and confidential.
There is no need for you to prepare anything before visiting us. Most people do not have everything figured out yet.
Contact us
Do you have questions about the adoption process? Call us at (910) 247-6303 to get help. Mercy House is located at 501 Doctors Drive, Elizabethtown, NC 28337. We are open Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 10 to 4 and Thursdays from 3 to 6. You can also schedule an appointment online if that is easier for you.