You have ended a pregnancy. It may have been last year, five years ago, or even ten years ago. Even now, you might carry heavy feelings, grief, sadness, and regret. Or a mix you can’t quite name. You might wonder if something’s wrong with you for feeling this way after all this time.
There is nothing wrong with you. All women experience grief after a terminated pregnancy in different ways and at different times. Many women who are grieving their loss feel just like you do. Many women keep their feelings of loss hidden and aren’t sure they’re still allowed to feel this way. You are. And you’re not alone in this loss.
The Timeline of Grief
Grief does not follow a schedule. There is no timeline for processing emotional distress or grief. There is no specific amount of time you can set for when you should be “past the grieving” period. Some women start with emotional distress at the moment of pregnancy termination, while others will not develop emotional distress until later due to a multitude of triggers, such as an anniversary, seeing a friend pregnant, or even just during a moment of reflection.
Both Grief and Relief Can Coexist
Research indicates that the majority of women experience emotional distress, regrets, or sadness for months, sometimes years, after an abortion. However, most women surveyed indicate they made the correct decision when they chose to terminate their pregnancy. This means that both things can exist at the same time. You do not have to feel guilty about thinking you made a good decision, even if you wish that you could have made a different one.
Different Ways Post-Abortion Grief Can Manifest
Each person’s experience with grieving after an abortion can look very different than another’s. Grief may be expressed as feelings of:
Sadness that comes and goes unexpectedly
Anger toward yourself, your situation, and those not there for you
Feelings of shame or guilt that cause you to not want to have the conversation about your abortion
Disconnection with yourself and future pregnancies
Relief, along with confusion as to why you are still hurting
None of these emotions mean you made a bad choice. They simply show that you are human. Because abortion is such a complicated experience, your emotions around it will naturally be complicated too.
There Is Hope for Healing, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
You don’t have to face your post-abortion grief alone. There are support systems to help you deal with your feelings of grief resulting from an abortion whether it has been one month, one year, or ten years since your abortion.
At Mercy House, our post-abortion support is offered free of charge in complete confidence. You may come into our center and have conversations with a trained volunteer who will listen without judgment. At Mercy House, we will not tell you what emotions you should be experiencing or dismiss what you feel. You will find a friendly environment to openly express your emotions and a caring person to help you carry your burden.
Some women find it helpful to talk through the details of their abortion in a structured way. Others just need a safe place to say the word “abortion” out loud for the first time. There’s no right or wrong way to go through this. So please reach out if you’d like help finding the right support for you.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in Your Grief
While in the grieving process following an abortion, it can feel as if there is no end to the pain you are experiencing. With the right support you will most likely find tremendous relief from grief. You will not find relief because the event fades from memory. You will find relief because you will be carrying the emotions of your abortion differently.
If you live in North Carolina, you can contact us at (910) 247-6303. You will be able to speak with someone who knows many women like you. You may visit us at 501 Doctors Drive, Elizabethtown, NC 28337. Our office hours are: Tuesday and Wednesday 10 am to 4 pm; Thursday 3 pm to 6 pm. You may walk into our center without an appointment.
You are NOT alone. You deserve the chance to begin healing.